My name is Ben

18 Jul

My name is Ben, I am 30 years old and I live in London near Tower Bridge and work for UBS investment bank in the IT section. I take these facts pretty much for granted, although a 20 year old me would of been fascinated to hear them.

Today I am sick. Which means in between the napping, I have a day off. Not a “day off” like the weekend where I can go out and do stuff, but a day out of the often fast moving stream of life. Indeed the weekends, whilst fun and fulfilling, are rarely “days off” nowadays.

I often wonder why I am doing the things I do. I don’t recall choosing them. Well, maybe I chose between X and Y or this and that, but I never sat down and said to myself – gosh, it’s a big world of stuff, what would you like to do in it ? I rarely picked holiday destinations, often led by convention or friends ideas. My set of job interviews were somewhat dictated by the pushiest head hunters.

I guess what I feeling today is I don’t spend enough, or any, time on these questions. It’s not like my lack of decisiveness has led me into a corner – indeed, most of my choices were based on “which life direction leaves me with the greatest number of choices still open”. But this thinking may of prevented me from following a hidden passion or interest I really hadn’t considered for myself. And later in life, where commitments are more prevalent such as house buying, career progression and settling down, decisions can be made harder by this attitude of keeping options open.

My name is Ben and I am 30 years old. My options are open. It’s time for me to start thinking about using them, rather than simply keeping them open. I currently live in London, currently near Tower Bridge and current work for UBS investment bank. All these could or could not change; but they can if I want and so can I, as I choose to, when I choose to. And realising this should not be scary, but totally awesome 🙂


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