Archive | November, 2010

One step at a time

17 Nov

That’s how I’m dealing with the move, one step at a time. There have been some pretty heartbreaking goodbyes, small incidents becoming big dramas because of the bottled up emotion in the air, and generally just head down, shoulders set, and marching forward. With the occasional heads up to say “gosh, this is really where I’m heading”, before setting shoulders to march again.

And I think this is good – or at least good for me. I can’t always second guess my direction. Tried that, kept options open, didn’t take any steps except the easy obvious ones. Problem is life and other people keep moving – normally in different directions – you can find yourself spread too thin, or running around trying to go in every direction. Plus sometimes the moment is too much to deal with; the emotion now and the emotion during chemotherapy are strongly equated with my “I think I’ll take this on in small moments, every now and then” as you can’t like with that all the time, it’s too hard.

The other peril to heads down is you can forget about any reality more than 48 hours in either side. E.g. yesterday I some my friends and it was wonderful. Today I am packing a suitcase and it’s rubbish. This doesn’t offer quite the longer term picture ! Equally, with weight loss, my other great blog topic, I’ve had massive highs and lows, and feel overall I’ve got nowhere. But actually a look back to some older videos from a year or two ago last night highlighted that I did look a little “chunkier” back then, and a high-level step back on my weight graph confirms this – about 1lb lost every month. Nothing big, nothing major, but all in the right direction.

One more day at work, after today, and then it’s the last few days in the UK, being spent with the family. Will be close to the goal then, maybe with opportunities to relax the shoulders, lift the head up, and experience the moment better. That’ll be hard though, as I’ll need their support with the direction I’m taking, and I know that’s really hard for them right now. I think the best we should hope for is good tears and good times.

Looking back not sure any of that makes sense. Doesn’t matter too much if not, I mainly wrote this one for me ! Next time, comedy pictures of kangeroos and koalas. Promise.


Leaving London

7 Nov

Last night, we marked our imminent departure from London in proper UK style, we had some drinks. In less-than-typical UK style, I managed to pace myself quite nicely and so have good memories of spending lots of time with good friends of all ages (from 3 weeks old, all the way up to “undisclosed”). Then I had a whole bunch of J├Ągerbombs and the whole night vanished in a blur of poor recall !

Still feels odd to have these events… and then not quite be leaving ! We are still around the UK for 2 more weeks of work and a few days afterwards. In some ways it almost feels like we’re not going – we had the party, and now we’re still here; nothing’s changed ! But as the days keep ticking past, I think it’s slowly seeping into my head. Maybe once I’ve been in Australia a few weeks and worked out I don’t have a return flight booked it will finally hit home !

Still, many great memories of last night, and if we’d remembered not to pack the camera cable, we might even have been able to share our photos too ! Ah well, that’ll have to wait until Australia. Which we’re going too. Quite soon. Apparently. Gosh.