One step at a time

17 Nov

That’s how I’m dealing with the move, one step at a time. There have been some pretty heartbreaking goodbyes, small incidents becoming big dramas because of the bottled up emotion in the air, and generally just head down, shoulders set, and marching forward. With the occasional heads up to say “gosh, this is really where I’m heading”, before setting shoulders to march again.

And I think this is good – or at least good for me. I can’t always second guess my direction. Tried that, kept options open, didn’t take any steps except the easy obvious ones. Problem is life and other people keep moving – normally in different directions – you can find yourself spread too thin, or running around trying to go in every direction. Plus sometimes the moment is too much to deal with; the emotion now and the emotion during chemotherapy are strongly equated with my “I think I’ll take this on in small moments, every now and then” as you can’t like with that all the time, it’s too hard.

The other peril to heads down is you can forget about any reality more than 48 hours in either side. E.g. yesterday I some my friends and it was wonderful. Today I am packing a suitcase and it’s rubbish. This doesn’t offer quite the longer term picture ! Equally, with weight loss, my other great blog topic, I’ve had massive highs and lows, and feel overall I’ve got nowhere. But actually a look back to some older videos from a year or two ago last night highlighted that I did look a little “chunkier” back then, and a high-level step back on my weight graph confirms this – about 1lb lost every month. Nothing big, nothing major, but all in the right direction.

One more day at work, after today, and then it’s the last few days in the UK, being spent with the family. Will be close to the goal then, maybe with opportunities to relax the shoulders, lift the head up, and experience the moment better. That’ll be hard though, as I’ll need their support with the direction I’m taking, and I know that’s really hard for them right now. I think the best we should hope for is good tears and good times.

Looking back not sure any of that makes sense. Doesn’t matter too much if not, I mainly wrote this one for me ! Next time, comedy pictures of kangeroos and koalas. Promise.


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